Hey Lovelies. I figured most of you who read my blog are either teenagers or in your early 20s. Today, I don’t want to write about corona and how much damage she is doing right now because we are already mad enough at her. My post will be focused on relationships. The type of relationship I am referring to is the one we share with someone we are either dating or married to.
I am going to start with this statement: you both need to work hard for your dreams while supporting each other. I know you are all probably saying, “Who doesn’t know that” and are probably mid-way into rolling your eyes. The thing is, there are a lot of girls who see the promise of marriage and abandon their dreams to only support their significant others. They forget about the “both” in the statement. There is nothing wrong with supporting each other, but it is just not okay to abandon your dreams and aspirations because you feel his aspirations are more important. There should be no such thing, both should be regarded as important. Feminists have been fighting way too hard for us to go back to a single option.
I recently read an article written by an American Psychologist, Anna Fels which compelled me to write this blog. She spoke about how hard it is for women to admit they are ambitious. I am of course surprised by this because it is quite easy for me and many women and girls I know to admit this, but that is just my circle. What about the many females out there who I never speak to? Are they afraid too? Fels explained that unlike women, men she interviewed enjoy talking about their careers and how good they are at it. She explained that these women were caught up in some form of fear.
Women refuse to claim a central, purposeful place in their own stories, eagerly shifting the credit elsewhere and shunning recognition.
Reading Fel’s article pushed me to the idea that there are probably women who still believe men have more opportunities to bring more to the table or the home. They push their dreams aside and when they do accomplish them they see it as less significant. They focus on highlighting the men’s aspirations or achievements they are either dating or married to. Again nothing is wrong with this, just don’t forget yours.
Maybe we still believe as women we are to do as men expect us to do. Fels mentioned a book entitled, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. It tells women “Don’t be a loud, knee-slapping, hysterically funny girl. This is O.K. when you’re alone with your girlfriend. But when you’re with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious…Don’t talk so much…Look into his eyes, be attentive, and a good listener so he knows you are a caring being—a person who would make a supportive wife.” The book later acknowledges, “Of course, this is not how you really feel. This is how you pretend to feel until it feels real.”
At this point in this blog, I am laughing at this book and the statement because I know men who would hate to be in a relationship with a girl in the first statement. There are men who want us to be ourselves. They like funny women and why would I hear a joke and not laugh. I might not slap my knees but I will laugh until my eyes are teary.
In fact let me ask these questions: How long can we pretend? How long must we continue to live in the shadows? If you hold back your dreams aren’t you going to end up miserable?