Sometimes we live in a box where we believe we have to please the people around us, especially the ones who we love. We find it hard to say “no” and second guess our every move when it comes on to making decisions. We aim to please our parents by starting a career we hate, to please friends by going out when we don’t want to, to please spouses by wearing what we think or believe they prefer on us and the list could go on. Some of us have been pleasing people so much that we have forgotten who we are. Not only is this overly selfless but it is also emotional havoc as it drains us day by day. It has come to a point where it is normal for some people to say “yes”. People don’t expect a “no” from you anymore and so they no longer need to ask questions. So here are a few tips on how to remove this negative “yes” from your life.
First, you have to figure out what you like. Saying “yes” all the time has become so normal for some of us that we forget we have preferences. If you prefer jeans rather than dress then wear it, if you prefer a bare face then throw or give away the makeup or just wear it whenever you want to, and if you want to study Biology instead of Business then go ahead. While you are doing this I can guarantee you that you will be learning more about yourself and you might even attract new people into your life because you will FINALLY be you. The people who stay will probably even love you more for this.
This brings me to my second tip. You have to place it at the front of your mind that there are people who will leave. They will leave because they either realize they cannot use you for your constant “yes” anymore. Without a doubt there are people in our lives who are not here because they love us, they are here because we love them and we always say “yes” or “no” depending on the situation. You don’t have to worry about this because it means there will be one less toxic person in your life.
Thirdly, you need to be strong/brave. It is okay to be afraid because it is a part of the human nature to fear the unknown. Sometimes our “no” will be better even for the people we love to keep them safe. For example, if your husband wants you to cook chicken every day and you finally say “no” and prepare vegetables it means he will also benefit from your decision. He will be eating healthier. I get it. Its hard to say no to the people you love, but sometimes it is just for the best.
And finally, stop thinking about “the likes”. If everyone loves you or finds no fault with you then it displays that something is wrong. If you say no and they leave, then it just means they were never true to you from the very beginning.
The next time you are about to be a “people pleaser” consider these tips.
Disclaimer: This article is in no way promoting selfishness and it is my views that we should always be kind and honest with each other.