I believe three of the most significant years in my life are 2020, 2021, and 2022. In 2020, I learned that things do not always go as planned. I never got to collect my degree the way I wanted to, and after countless interviews, I still haven’t landed my dream job. So yea! I am winging all the way through.

The calm after the storm

In 2021, I strengthened my relationship with God, I was able to activate faith I had no idea I had, I got a new job in a field I see myself staying in, my best friend proposed to me, and I started seeing things I only dreamed of when I was a teenager coming to pass. Now, in 2022, I’m planning a wedding (I have no idea what I’m doing), I am about to start a business, and my husband-to-be and I are about to close on our house.

The storm

Reading all of this, you are probably saying I have it all together and I have figured it out. The truth is, I have not. One thing I’ve learned from my fiancé is that things will not always work out according to our plans. We can’t control everything. Worrying solves nothing. I used to worry all the time.

All I once cared about was how perfect I wanted things to be and how happy I wanted everyone around me to be. At the moment, I’m winging it, figuring things out as they ‘hit the fan.’ Not knowing what I am doing most of the time, all I can do is leave everything to the Big Man (Jesus), because he’s got it all figured out for me.

On the eve of Christmas, December 2021, my fiancé and I were looking forward to the start of an amazing Christmas. It was my last day of work before heading home to enjoy the holidays. Work was supposed to end early, and while I was waiting for my fiancé, he called me, I knew immediately something was wrong, he had been in an accident.

This was not far from my office. I quickly cleared my desk and walked as fast as I could, praying that he was okay but at the same time wondering if I was overthinking. His only injury was a deep bite on his tongue, a result of the abrupt contact with the other vehicle. The airbag deployed in my fiancé’s car, and the front of his vehicle were badly damaged. A police officer was there, and we sorted everything out as it relates to reporting and collecting information from the other driver.

When we got to my house, we both went silent. I don’t know what was going on in my fiancé’s head, but I immediately started wondering where the money would come from to fix the car if we were going to stay home for the entire holiday and how he was feeling. It was one of the weirdest and most painful silences I’ve ever experienced. We were in the process of saving for both our wedding and a house, and this was just another expense we weren’t prepared for.

We had a very silent Christmas at home, and we skipped our yearly tradition of exchanging gifts. The difference between then and now is that I’m okay with how the holiday was spent. The car is still here, giving us headaches (well, me, since I’m the one who worries), but God is opening doors to ensure that the headache stops soon.

Besides COVID, this accident taught me that things do not always go as planned.

We can’t control the unknown. What we can do is live life gratefully. Be grateful for everything that we currently have and remain humble. Live life believing that everything is working for our good. I am grateful the accident wasn’t worse and probably this is God’s way of saying it’s time to get a new car (I hope so).

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in charge of your own story. There is nothing wrong with trying to build your narrative of how your life should be, but sometimes we need to take a break from figuring it out and live in the moment.

Jesus has already promised to take our heavy burdens from us and give us the gift of true rest in him (Matthew 11:28–30); all we need to do is remain faithful and hopeful. We can’t stay young forever (believe me, I wish I could 😉).

Reliving yesterday is impossible, so live today so that tomorrow you can smile because yesterday was the day that you lived your best life.

The big Announcement

P.S. This is sort of an announcement to let you, my fellow subscribers and soon-to-be subscribers that somebody’s son wants to marry me. He popped the question!

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